I have asked her permission to quote her, without explicitly telling her story, while trying ‎to ‎capture her struggles, an American ex-client woman came to my office crying:‎

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“Although our goal is to have a stable relationship life, it is only during the divorce that ‎you ‎realize how much a woman is willing to give for the well-being of her family, especially ‎the ‎children and the husband, leaving behind a job or a career, friends, family, hobbies ‎etc.‎ In many cases, it is only during the divorce that you realise you have lost so many things.‎

You have left your job in your country of origin and in a new environment you struggle ‎to ‎work due to some reasons, such as:‎

‎• Language barrier, ‎

‎• Lack of working visa, ‎

‎• Being a stay-home mom and helping the family integrate into the new country, ‎

‎• Assisting the children adjusting into new school and friends and language, ‎

‎• Chances of returning to the job market are slim as there is no job for your ‎qualification ‎and your university degree (if there is one)‎

‎• Missing many years in the job market ‎

‎• Your age

Then you discover you don’t have pension rights, for example.‎ no credit history, you ‎can’t get a loan as you have no salary.

In the US, you can transfer the money you earn to several bank accounts. My ex-‎husband ‎transferred 80 per cent of his income to unknown places to bank accounts ‎solely under his ‎name, and I wasn’t made aware of it.‎

According to an international accountant whom I work with, he examined ‘our numbers’ ‎for ‎defining the size of our ‘family wealth’ basket – most men transfer at least 20% of ‎their ‎income to an unknown place … and outside the family basket.‎

And then I was told by my lawyers that during separation, with no job, I am still required to pay a portion of your children’s expenses. ‎How do you think to do that?‎

She left my office with a plan…

I wish to share with everyone that is willing to listen that unfortunately, in court, the loss of your livelihood and pension rights will rarely be remedied by ‎the ‎division of the assets. ‎You gave up a significant career for the family to benefit from relocation and ‎following ‎your husband – however, it is almost not considered by the Courts when you ‎separate or ‎divorce.

‎ You changed your plans to stay next to your husband – meaning, not separating ‎the ‎family – Which the court does not acknowledge.‎ A wife, a mother, who cares for the children and made an ongoing contribution to the family ‎by ‎looking after the children and even may have sacrificed a successful career during ‎the ‎marriage – has economically disadvantage and her decisions taken to keep ‎the family ‎together are ignored and almost not properly, if at all, recognised in the form of compensation. ‎

Here is a quote from a divorce judgment given in Hong Kong: ‎

‎ ‎

So – for the benefit of your children, I recommend to women in relocation:‎

‎1. No matter what – go to work. It is also a matter of mental health and relocation.‎

‎2. Put money aside.‎

‎3. Put money aside.‎

‎4. Check your tax reports, you suppose to sign them, and it is an opportunity to ‎check ‎family income and if there are any inconsistencies as it might be that income does ‎not ‎always match salary.‎

‎5. Take care of yourself, as part of taking care of the family, as no one will do it for you.‎

‎6. Go to the bank and check your rights and the accounts status. ‎

‎7. Issue a credit card on your name and create your credit history.‎

Then she continued:

“It was a mistake completely trusting my husband for being honest and with values ‎like ‎mine.‎ Now that we are separated I realise that it is a matter of enormous ‎philosophical ‎difference and values in life that I could not imagine because he is a good ‎actor.‎”

Trust the husband and spouse, but from a position of knowledge, sharing and faith ‎in ‎yourself.