EXPAT PARENT- APR 25, 2016

Lior Sade
Originally from Israel, recently divorced Lior Sade moved to Hong Kong 18 years ago for her job. She remarried in Hong Kong and had a daughter,
later divorcing her second husband in 2007.

How did you find yourself in Hong Kong?
I moved to Hong Kong divorced with two sons who were 10 and 13 at the time. I worked at a high-tech company and I moved out here for my job. My boys adjusted well but I found myself struggling with my social life at the beginning. At that period of time it was unusual for a woman to move to Hong Kong by herself.

When did you meet your second husband?
I met my second husband in Hong Kong and we got married. Everything was fine for a while. I was working and we had a helper. However, I was travelling all the time. After I had my daughter, I wanted to be at home more. I didn’t want to skip those early steps in her life. So, I left my job after 30 years and found myself working in a similar company where I was able to spend much more time in Hong Kong.

“It’s important to remember that you are divorcing your husband. You are not divorcing the father of your kids”

When did things start to fall apart?
I was living the expat life — huge house on The Peak, big budget for two helpers at home. After two years or so, the new company wanted me to start travelling. And then the marriage started to crack. And then all life started to crack. Five months into the divorce, which was very time consuming and
acrimonious, I reduced my job to part time but, soon enough, I was fired.

Was the divorce expensive?
Yes — very expensive. I was married for four or five years, and the divorce took just as long. The problem was with the money. Hong Kong law splits the assets 50-50 for everything in your name, even before you met your husband. I have many more assets outside of Hong Kong, and it cost a lot of money to fight it.

What happened at the trial?
I found myself out of a job, spending all my time on this divorce, and then in 2008 I got the judgment, which really threw me down. It was a shock. I lost. He got 50 percent. I will not lie to you, for many months I was really depressed. I was waking in the morning just because I have a daughter.

What was the process like to appeal?
There are only 28 days to appeal the judgement, but I woke up to life seven or eight months later and no lawyer wanted to take my case. The only one who considered it wanted fees in the region of US$100,000. So I went to university, studied everything, and tried to do it myself. The same judge denied me. But I didn’t give up and I went to the high court.

What happened in the end?
To cut a long story short, in front of the high court judges, I won my case. However five days later my ex-husband disappeared and didn’t resurface for two years. So we were left with no money, and I was stuck in Hong Kong with a judgment that we couldn’t enforce. It was terrible. I decided to change my life and do something about this.

What did you do?
I studied and studied, and created my own business. I am a qualified mediator but the most important thing that I do is my work as a McKenzie friend. I help people represent themselves if they don’t have money for a lawyer. In most cases, I manage to convince the other side to mediate instead of go to court.

How did your life change due to the divorce?

Fortunately, I am permanent resident so my husband could not cancel my visa. However my daughter suffered a lot. The first thing I had to do was change our luxurious flat to something else. I moved from Peak Road to Pok Fu Lam then later to a tiny flat on Mosque Street, which had no buzzer or elevator.

What’s it like today?
Even today, because our divorce was so acrimonious, we can’t speak so we communicate via text messages. Even our texting is uncivilised. But it’s important to remember that you are divorcing your husband. You are not divorcing the father of your kids. I am encouraging mums not to be miserable, not to be sad, not to blame their husbands in front of the children — what we feel, the children will feel.

How has the divorce affected your daughter?
My daughter is growing up differently. She has suffered a lot. My first problem was how do I continue to pay for her life? However I think all of us single parents, can take this lemon and make lemonade in order to create with our children, better citizens for the future.

What advice do you have for other women?
As expats we are exposed to one level of earning capacity but if you look at the total of Hong Kong, that lifestyle is not the norm. Hong Kong is a bubble and what you have can be taken in a minute. There are more women than before who are initiating the divorce and more women are working and trusting themselves. Being a mum is great, but one day the kids are by themselves. And then what?

http://expat-parent.com/meet-two-single-mums-who-are-flying-solo/